Yes, They’re Waking Up. But Is Our Obots Learning?

Hillarys Alleged Multiple Personalities

Hillary's Alleged Multiple Personalities

“Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?”
President George W. Bush, January 11, 2000

I think it’s fairly clear that our “progressive” brethren and sistren of the Obotic persuasion have begun to awaken to the fact that Barack Obama is, well, just not that into them. The utter ridiculousness and unnecessary clusterfuckiness of the health care “debate” combined with the pointless, rightwing-appeasing ousting of “progressive” appointee Van Jones has, in the words of a friend of mine, shown Obama’s ass. It’s now totally obvious to any but the most blinded by Obama worship that Obama never intended to do anything except funnel more money to his corporate and fundiegelical masters. His entire Presidency begins and ends with this goal. That’s really all there is to him, and there’s nothing we can do to change that fact. Why else would the Powers That Be have spent $800 million to force him down America’s throat? They expect a very high return on their investment, you know.

The chagrin and pain of ObamaNation would be cause for vengeful celebration if (a) we didn’t care that Obama is on the verge of completely and irretrievably screwing the possibility of universal health care for the foreseeable future, and (b) we thought that our Obots was (were? it’s so hard to get the Bushspeak context correct, isn’t it?) learning the right lessons.

We racist, bitter, bible-thumping dried-up old ladies were right, weren’t we? So why didn’t they listen to us and back Hillary Clinton? Why did the left blogosphere, for the most part, go so gaga over Obama? Was it merely the excitement of the first black President of the United States? Was it the superior marketing capabilities of Axelrod & Co., hand in glove with the corporate media who, not suspiciously AT ALL (insert eyeroll here) had suddenly discovered a hithertofore hidden lurv of liberal, anti-corporatist policies?

I believe Obama’s skin color, coupled with the media’s relentless coverups of his total and complete unsuitability for the job of POTUS, were two important factors. But two other factors were even stronger: Clinton Derangement Syndrome, and unrepentant misogyny. And I’m afraid our Obot “friends” have not chosen to understand how their own hatreds and prejudices led them to be hoodwinked, bamboozled and made to look like total and complete morons for believing Obama’s lies.

The Horror! The Horror!

The Horror! The Horror!

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Good News: Hillary Still Roolz!

Madam Secretary

Madam Secretary

As Barack Obama continues to flounder, flip-flop and act like a fumbling fool on the issue of health care, Our Girl is doing what she always does: blooming where she’s planted. Aren’t you glad that SOMEONE in the Obama Administraiton is acting like a Democrat?!

Barely six months into her tenure as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton has already made the State Department her own, setting its direction with her usual firmness and clarity.

Clinton’s just-concluded 11-day trip to Africa has sent the clearest signal yet that she intends to make women’s rights one of her signature issues and a higher priority than ever before in American diplomacy.

She plans to press governments on abuses of women’s rights and make women more central in U.S. aid programs.

But her efforts go beyond the marble halls of government and show how she is redefining the role of secretary of state. Her trips are packed with town hall meetings and visits to micro-credit projects and women’s dinners. Ever the politician, she is using her star power to boost women who could be her allies.

“It’s just a constant effort to elevate people who, in their societies, may not even be known by their own leaders,” Clinton said in an interview. “My coming gives them a platform, which then gives us the chance to try and change the priorities of the governments.”

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Uncle Richard Bruce Explains it All: A Play in One Unbalanced Act.

Hes Got the Whole World In His Hands...

He's Got the Whole World In His Hands...

AUTHOR’S NOTE: When I heard yesterday that Unka Dick was writing a book criticizing George Bush for “going soft” on “their” policies in the final year of his Presidency, I couldn’t help imagining what he would say. This is the result. Enjoy!

 

THE SCENE: Dick Cheney’s secret bunker, erm, house. It is lushly appointed in Modern Dungeon, with grey walls mimicking the look of concrete, medieval torture devices tastefully displayed in gleaming mahogany cabinets with recessed lighting, and an old electric chair given pride of place in a prominent corner. Pictures of Cheney with Nixon, Kissinger and other reviled figures of the American past are positioned artfully on the walls. There are some obvious empty spaces where the pictures of Dick and Dubya used to hang. On the mantle over the stone fireplace are family pictures in black ebony frames; the 75-inch flatscreen TV is perpetually tuned to Fox News. The whole place seems like a museum, and a rather uninviting one at that.

DICK is seated in a leather armchair by the fireplace, waiting impatiently, sipping on a bourbon and water. He is half-drunk, as usual. Finally, his wife LYNNE enters the room with another woman, in her early sixties, and well-put together.

LYNNE: Dick, here she is. What did you say your name was again, honey?

WOMAN: Mrs. Cheney, my name is Frances Wood – I’m here to help Dick with his book.

LYNNE: Well now, Frances, I think you’re going to work out just wonderfully. I’ll leave you both to your work. I just know it’s going to be a huge best-seller!

(LYNNE exits.)

DICK (motioning to a chair opposite him): Well, sit down, Frances, sit down. Tell me about yourself. Do you have a lot of ghostwriting experience?

FRANCES: Actually, yes. I write all of the books for Regnery Press. You know, the conservative publishing house? Michelle Malkin, Bernie Goldberg…folks like that.

DICK (impressed): Well! It looks like I’m in very good hands then.

FRANCES (faux-modestly): I like to think so. So, Mr. Vice President –

DICK (interrupting): Call me Dick. Everyone does.

FRANCES: Well, uh, Dick, where would you like to start?

DICK: At the beginning, of course! Chapter 1: The Nixon Years.

FRANCES: Perfect! May I turn on my tape recorder?

DICK (panicking): NO! No tape recorders! I get to wiretap you, not the other way around!

FRANCES (shocked): Uh, what?

DICK (recovering himself): Oh! Sorry. Just a reflex.  Ha! Well. Where was I? Ah yes. Chapter 1: The Nixon Years. (leaning back in his chair and reminiscing) Ah, Dick Nixon was a great man. He had a problem with the drinking, you know: but otherwise, he was really on the right track.

FRANCES (encouragingly): In what way?

DICK (taking a sip of his drink): Remember when he said “When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal?” That was brilliant! Yes, if only he’d taken that farther, we would be in a much better place here in America. (abruptly standing, snarling) But no, that stupid Commie bastard Ford had to come in and ruin everything. PARDON Nixon. For what? A stupid burglary? That was child’s play, a nothing. The only mistake G. Gordon made was getting caught!

FRANCES (eagerly): Wow! This is great stuff, Dick. Please continue.

DICK (basking in her praise): Well, we can flesh that part out later. What I really want to talk about is how I developed my philosophy for world domination, and how that weak, drunken fool (air quotes) “Dubya” ruined everything!

(sitting on the arm of the chair, deliciously remembering his glory days)

DICK: It all began with a group of dreamers. Me and some guys from the American Enterprise Institute and the Heritage Foundation, we decided that after President Reagan caused the USSR to destroy itself in Afghanistan, we needed a new focus for American foreign policy. At the same time, we realized that as much as we love our oil men in Texas, their time was coming to an end. Pretty soon the U.S. of A. was going to need all of that oil in the Middle East in order to survive. And of course, we knew that with the rise of that wimp Al Gore’s (air quotes) “internet,” nuclear weapons were going to start proliferating in countries that were very unfriendly to our interests.

And so was born – the Project for the New American Century!

(A fanfare bursts out in the room.)

FRANCES (jumping up, startled, hand on heart): Oh my goodness!

DICK (confused): Huh? (light dawning) Oh, that! Oh don’t worry, Frances. I’ll have it  turned off. The house is wired for certain..special effects. (Presses a button under the arm of the chair) There! That should be the last time you hear it.

FRANCES (calming down, but now confused in turn): Special…effects?

DICK (embarrassed): Ummmm, yes. You see, it’s hard for some people to understand my speech, so we have a Cheney to English translater built into the house. (gesturing) My words are processed as they exit my mouth, so you can better receive my wisdom. But that’s not why we’re here, so let’s get back on track, shall we? We were talking about – my glorious vision! 

(sits back down in the chair)

FRANCES: Yes, tell me more about (looks around apprehensively), um, PNAC?

(No fanfare. FRANCES sighs with relief.)

DICK: Yes, PNAC! Well, we understood that weak-minded, lily-livered hick, Bill Clinton was destroying America with all that so-called peace and prosperity. We knew it was time to do something quick! So here it is: Our Statement of Principles, from 1997. I can recite it from memory, of course.

(declaiming)

“We seem to have forgotten the essential elements of the Reagan Administration’s success: a military that is strong and ready to meet both present and future challenges; a foreign policy that boldly and purposefully promotes American principles abroad; and national leadership that accepts the United States’ global responsibilities.

Of course, the United States must be prudent in how it exercises its power. But we cannot safely avoid the responsibilities of global leadership or the costs that are associated with its exercise. America has a vital role in maintaining peace and security in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East. If we shirk our responsibilities, we invite challenges to our fundamental interests. The history of the 20th century should have taught us that it is important to shape circumstances before crises emerge, and to meet threats before they become dire. The history of this century should have taught us to embrace the cause of American leadership.

Our aim is to remind Americans of these lessons and to draw their consequences for today. Here are four consequences:

• we need to increase defense spending significantly if we are to carry out our global
responsibilities today and modernize our armed forces for the future;

• we need to strengthen our ties to democratic allies and to challenge regimes hostile to our interests and values;

• we need to promote the cause of political and economic freedom abroad;

• we need to accept responsibility for America’s unique role in preserving and extending an international order friendly to our security, our prosperity, and our principles.

Such a Reaganite policy of military strength and moral clarity may not be fashionable today. But it is necessary if the United States is to build on the successes of this past century and to ensure our security and our greatness in the next.”

(DICK looks expectantly at FRANCES. She is spellbound, but then, comes out of it to give DICK a round of applause.)

FRANCES: Bra-vo, Dick! And how did PNAC proceed after that?

DICK: Well, we wrote a letter in 1998 trying to convince ol’ Billy Boy to invade Eye-Raq. We had some of our Congressmen do the same. But it didn’t work. He couldn’t see the opportunity and the danger of Saddam’s evil regime. But when we got Georgie in the White House, we knew we had struck gold. And 9/11, well, that was just great for us! It was the perfect excuse to do what we had wanted to do from Day One. We even put one of our members in charge in Afghanistan! Allahu akbar, baby!

FRANCES (smiling, tactfully): Uh, Dick, I might not put that in the book. I mean, we want people to like you and sympathize with you. Right?

DICK (standing abruptly, thundering and pointing his finger): LIKE me? Do you think I give a shit about that? This book is about being RIGHT and setting the record straight. I can still influence the direction of this country and keep it from descending into complete chaos! It’s my duty as an American!

(taking a deep breath, calming himself)

Now, if you will excuse me, I think I need a break. We’ll continue in an hour or so. Please feel free to help yourself to whatever you need in the kitchen. The maid will be along shortly to give you a tour of the house.

(DICK exits.)

(FRANCES, mindful of the bugs in the Cheney home, turns up the sound on the TV. She furtively takes out a cell phone and makes a call.)

FRANCES (in a stage whisper): Hello? Laura? It’s me, Frances. It’s working out just like you said it would! Dick is even more nuts than you told me! (listening) Yes, I heard the fanfare. (listening) Trust me. When I’m done with Dick Cheney, your husband George is going to look like a saint! (listening) You’re welcome, honey. Anything for a fellow Kappa Alpha Theta! KAT Forever! Bye, honey!

(FRANCES hangs up the phone happily.)

(LIGHTS OUT.)

Cui Bono?

Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain

Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain

The lovely and talented Taggles recently sent me a very interesting press release from the ACLU. It seems that a Florida court deprived Samantha Burton, a pregnant woman, of her right to determine her own medical care, and the ACLU is a tad exercised about that fact.

Here is what happened. Ms. Burton went to a Tallahassee hospital to get treatment for a difficult pregnancy. Once she got there, someone (possibly her attending physician) informed the State of Florida that an uppity wimminz in her 25th week of pregnancy might (gasp!) be considering an abortion. The State, horrified at this exercise of free will by a private citizen with scary ladyparts, went to the Circuit Court of Leon County to implore that this travesty of justice be stopped. (snark)

The Court decided that to “protect the interests of her unborn child,” Ms. Burton did not have the right to refuse any medical care that might extend the life of her child. Ms. Burton was ordered to stay in the hospital for the duration of her pregnancy – up to 15 weeks – in order to keep her from doing anything that might harm the child.

According to the ACLU’s amicus (“friend of the Court”) brief, when Ms. Burton sensibly requested to change hospitals:

The court further ordered that “Ms. Burton’s request to change hospitals is denied as such a change is not in the child’s best interest at this time.” (Id. at 3.) The court approved the State’s wholesale control over Ms. Burton’s liberty and medical care during pregnancy on the erroneous legal premise that the “ultimate welfare” of the fetus is the “controlling factor” and was sufficient to override her constitutional rights to liberty, privacy, and autonomy. (Id. at 1.) After at least three days of this state-compelled confinement and management of Ms.Burton’s pregnancy, doctors performed an emergency cesarean section on Ms. Burton and discovered that her fetus had already died in utero. Thereafter, she was released from the hospital. (Appellant’s Ex. E, at 1; Ex. F, at 1.)

The brief continued:

As addressed fully below, first, the court erred as a matter of law by failing to give any real consideration to the liberty and privacy rights of Ms. Burton and instead applying what amounted to a “best interest of the fetus” standard. (emphasis mine) Such an approach turns on its head well-established standards protecting the right of every adult to make private decisions about their own medical care. Second, the court erred in equating the asserted interest in protecting fetal life to the State’s “parens patriae authority to ensure that children receive medical treatment which is necessary for the preservation of their life and health,” (see Appellant’s Ex. D, at 1), and in holding that the interest in fetal life justified confining Ms. Burton to a hospital bed and overriding her right to refuse medical treatment. Finally, applying the correct constitutional analysis, and looking to appropriate medical standards of care, it is evident that the State did not demonstrate the type of compelling interest necessary to justify the extraordinary use of involuntary confinement and forced medical treatment in this case.

I have said before that the fundiegelicals are not pro-life. They are pro-UNBORN life. They consciously and maliciously elevate the potential life of the fetus (which, ironically and sadly in this case, was already dead) over the life of the mother. Why? Because the mother is nothing, an empty vessel. She has no rights and no function except to serve at Man’s Pleasure. The Bible tells us so, somewhere. Where? Don’t bother me with such minutiae. I’m sure Jesus said it right after He said “Homosexuality is a sin” and “Abortion is murder.” A-MEN!

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IACF! INOF! WTF???!!!

Typical Obamaganda

Typical Obamaganda

During the primaries, the Obots followed a distinct pattern whenever Obama did something they didn’t like. The tactic was so prevalent that I actually coined an anagram for it:  IACF! (It’s All Clinton’s Fault!)

A classic example of IACF! was when Obama said he’d filibuster telecom/Bushie immunity for warrantless wiretapping, then turned right around and not only didn’t filibuster, but actually voted FOR the immunity. Meanwhile, Hillary kept her promise and voted against the immunity.

Whose fault was it? Was it Obama’s for not keeping his promise? Of COURSE not. It was Hillary’s fault for showing him up! And remember the Reverend Wright brouhaha? Josh Marshall said that he was Hillary’s fault too.

If Obama’s the nominee, we will see no end of this kind of stuff. And there’s probably some small benefit of getting a preview. But the simple fact is that we wouldn’t be seeing this stuff now if it weren’t for the fact that this is the kind of campaign Hillary Clinton’s campaign has decided to wage — often directly and at other times indirectly by not reining it in in her supporters when it crops up on its own. Wright is news today because Ferraro’s been news yesterday. Are her comments racist? That’s a loaded, too copious, word. And there’ve been cases where the Clinton team has gotten a bum rap on these matters. What I do know, however, is that Clinton’s campaign and her surrogates have injected the subject of Obama’s race into this campaign too many times now for it to be credible to believe that it is anything but a conscious strategy.

Of course, Josh, of course. Hillary waved her magic wand and forced Obama to sit in that church for 20 years. Mein Gott, the incredible power she has over Barack Obama! I mean, if she had that much control over what Obama did, don’tcha think she woulda waved that wand and made sure he didn’t run at all? Hellllooooooo, as Naomi “Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year’s” Wolf would say!

But Obot delusions aside, if you were under the impression that IACF! was going to cease now that we have the most post-racial, unifyingest, Pony-est Preznit evah, think again! It’s just mutated into a different form: INOF! (It’s Never Obama’s Fault!)

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The Patriarchy and the Love Bomb: A Play in One Speculative Act.

She's Not a Feminist Either

She's Not a Feminist Either

(Note: As always, this play is born of nothing but observation, imagination and speculation. It is purely a work of fiction, although based on some actual events.)

THE SCENE: A conference room somewhere in America. It’s late 2008, and Barack Obama has just been elected. The mood is exuberant.

Sitting around the table are the charter members of the Christian Theocracy wing of the Patriarchy: all white males, of course. We don’t know many of them, but we might recognize JAMES DOBSON, DOUGLAS KMIEC and RICK WARREN among the crowd.

The conference room is decorated in Corporate Middle America, boasting an abundance of the latest in electronic wizardry. The remains of a profusion of fatty, sugary foodstuffs litters the table. The men are all talking idly, full, smug and self-congratulatory.)

DOBSON calls the meeting to order.)

DOBSON: Well, brothers, we did it! Our friend and ally, Barack Obama, has been installed in the White House and  will soon be busily accomplishing our goals. The murdering of helpless babies through contraception, abortion and stem-cell research will go no further under the new President. Faith-based initiatives will be expanded, giving greater power and glory to our cause; and as for the Homosexual Agenda, you can forget all about it. Barack has promised he will not overturn DADT, DOMA or legalize same-sex marriage. In short, my friends, we are sitting pretty!

ALL: Amen!

WARREN: Yes, we are in a great position, brother Dobson; greater than we ever thought possible. Brother Obama has given us control of the Democratic Party as well as the Republican Party! Surely his reward in Heaven will be rich indeed. But I do see one small fly in our proverbial ointment: New Feminism.

DOBSON (outraged):  New Feminism? What devilish business is this?

(ALL make the sign of the cross.)

WARREN: Well, our Online Astroturf Committee tells us that there is a big group of women out there who are very angry with all the sexism they saw this past year. Frankly, I think they’re just a bunch of hysterics, but in any case, they call themselves “PUMAs.”

PATRIARCH #4: “PUMAs?” More like cougars, I’ll bet. RRRRowr!!!

(ALL LAUGH. )

WARREN (pointedly): ANYWAY, these PUMAs started off as Clinton supporters who decided they were not going to vote for Barack Obama, for whatever reason. I don’t get what their problem is – we’ve always known the primaries were a sham, or our brother Huckabee would have been the Republican nominee this year! But somehow, the PUMAs thought the Democrats were different. Honest, or something.

KMIEC: Idiots! They should have known that after the past eight years, we wouldn’t let a godless heathen witch like that Clinton creature ascend to the halls of power!

WARREN: Indeed. Well, the OAC has pretty much taken over the PUMAs by this point. Most of their sites are full of our operatives, pushing the idea that Barack Obama is a Marxist who will tax them all to death, take their guns away, and abort their unborn children against their will.

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Not Because They Are Easy

Apollo Moon Landing

Apollo Moon Landing

Forty years ago today, men walked on the moon for the first time. It was an amazing accomplishment, and one that people told President John F. Kennedy would not, and should not, ever happen. But he did not listen to the naysayers. He believed that government could accomplish big, sweeping things; and furthermore, government should challenge itself to do so.

Those who came before us made certain that this country rode the first waves of the industrial revolution, the first waves of modern invention, and the first wave of nuclear power, and this generation does not intend to founder in the backwash of the coming age of space. We mean to be a part of it–we mean to lead it. For the eyes of the world now look into space, to the moon and to the planets beyond, and we have vowed that we shall not see it governed by a hostile flag of conquest, but by a banner of freedom and peace. We have vowed that we shall not see space filled with weapons of mass destruction, but with instruments of knowledge and understanding.

Yet the vows of this Nation can only be fulfilled if we in this Nation are first, and, therefore, we intend to be first. In short, our leadership in science and industry, our hopes for peace and security, our obligations to ourselves as well as others, all require us to make this effort, to solve these mysteries, to solve them for the good of all men, and to become the world’s leading space-faring nation.

We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people. For space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man, and only if the United States occupies a position of pre-eminence can we help decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war. I do not say that we should or will go unprotected against the hostile misuse of space any more than we go unprotected against the hostile use of land or sea, but I do say that space can be explored and mastered without feeding the fires of war, without repeating the mistakes that man has made in extending his writ around this globe of ours.

There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation many never come again. But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?

We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too (emphasis mine).

When was America’s last scientific breakthrough of this magnitude? Where is the sweeping vision of our leaders? Why is it that every time a government official proposes a grand idea, swarms of nasty little minds nibble it to death like piranhas attacking a tasty dolphin?

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