Senator Larry Craig Update: Conservatives Don’t Hate Teh Gay. Really!

Via Eschaton, Glenn Greenwald at Salon details the psychotically hypocritical rightwing reactions to the news that the “family values” stalwart, Republic Senator Larry Craig, is in fact teh gay. And not only teh gay – the kind of teh gay that solicits anonymous sex from undercover police officers in airport bathrooms. Helllllooooooo! (Why Senator Craig doesn’t just go to a gay bar like a normal person, I will never understand.)

When Larry Craig was first outed by blogger Mike Rogers in October of 2006, the rightwing was nothing but supportive. One of the most unbelievable conservabot claims was that they are “indifferent” to whether someone is homosexual or not. (Tell me again – how many Republics voted for the “Defense of Marriage” Act?)

A virtually unanimous chorus on the Right furiously insisted that nothing could be more irrelevant than whether the married family values Senator had sex with men in bathrooms (acts that are simultaneously criminal and adulterous). The same political movement that impeached Bill Clinton and which has made a living exploiting issues of private morality for political gain insisted that Rogers had reached a new and despicable low in politics even by reporting this.

Ah, how the worms have turned!

Various right-wing commentators are competing with one another to see who can express the most visceral disgust for Larry Craig’s behavior (behavior which was so irrelevant just a few months ago that it was despicable even to report it). Mark Steyn echoes Hewitt’s demand that Craig resign and then proceeds to spew adolescent mockery comparing Craig to George Michael. The Corner’s David Freddoso registers his “obvious disgust” for Larry Craig and muses on “how rotten a job that plainclothes officer has.”

And Jonah Golberg — who last October penned one of the most pious condemnations of Rogers, calling the Craig story “wicked” and insisting that such tactics will “haunt [liberals] in unexpected ways in years to come” (notwithstanding the glaringly contradictory fact that Goldberg’s entire public existence was foisted on our country by his and his mom’s sleazy joint feeding off of the Clinton sex scandal) today pops up to make sure that everyone knows that he is repulsed by Craig’s behavior: “I don’t know what Larry Craig’s been doing in men’s rooms. And it sure sounds like I don’t wanna know either.”

Meanwhile, Diaper-Wearing, Leopard-Dress-Marrying Republic Senator David Vitter of DC and New Orleans brothel fame, remains largely unindicted by the ratwing mouthbreathers.

It couldn’t be because Vitter’s dangerous liaisons were with women, could it?

The Difference is….

In yesterday’s statement, Wendy Vitter (Wife – Diaper-Wearing Prostitute-Frequenter) whined and moaned about how the media was persecuting the Vitters and their children. Why, they even followed poor widdu Wendy to CHURCH! How could the eeeeevil press hurt the family of such a paragon of Republic family values? After all, we all know how Jeebus-fearing it is to pay women for sex!

The crowning moment of eye-popping hypocrisy was when Ms. Vitter proclaimed, “In any other family, this would be a private matter.” Uh-huh. Because breaking the law is okay if Jeebus and your wife forgive you, right? And of course, when Bill Clinton strayed with a consenting adult who was, in fact, NOT a prostitute, Ms. Vitter had this to say:

“I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbit than Hillary. If he does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.”

So Bill Clinton didn’t break the law, and he deserves to be Bobbitized by Hillary (who is, apparently, a wimp for allowing Bill to get away with a whole wee-wee). But Vitty breaks the law, and not only is Mrs. Vitty a long-suffering Christian wife, but she deserves to be left alone because it’s a PRIVATE FAMILY MATTER?

Please excuse me while I go poke my eye out with a fork.