Mah fellow Americans,
Ah hereby tender mah resignation as Preznit of these You-Naghted States. Ah am fully aware that there idn’t enough Jack and Coke in the world tuh keep me standin’ no more. Ah’m goin’ back tuh Crawford so Ah kin clear Condi’s brush.
As for Unca Dick, well, he’s on his tenth baboon hart and we don’t think he can make it much longer, so Nancy? It’s up tuh you. Good luck! Heh-heh-heh.
[BUSH STUMBLES AWAY FROM THE PODIUM]
[STANDING OVATION FROM CONGRESS EXCEPT BOEHNER, WHO BEGINS SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY]