Tim Russert (removing KKKarl’s cock from his mouth):
Hi, Democrats! My job is to prove to everyone that you’re weak on national security, fiscally irresponsible, ignorant about religion and social issues, and are warmongers just like the Fascists. MMMMKay?
Democrats: And a hearty Fuck Off to you, Timmeh!
Tim Russert: Now that we’ve got our parameters straight, tell us why we should vote for you!
Gravel: Vote for me. I’m younger than Senator Byrd and just as fiery!
Dodd: Vote for me. I’m the GOOD Senator from Connecticut and I love the Constitution!
Biden: Vote for me. I know how to fix Iraq and Social Security, and Fascists like me and hate HER!
Kucinich: Vote for me. I may be short, but I’m right about everything!
Edwards: Vote for me. Everyone else is a Washington insider and besides is lying to you!
Obama: Vote for me. I’m a man, I was right about the war, and everything can be solved by joining hands and singing Kumbaya!
Richardson: Vote for me. I’m boring, but I talk to all the evildoers and get results! Plus I’m popular in New Mexico and Bill Clinton loved me!
Clinton: Vote for me. I’m too smart to make campaign promises I can’t keep, and I’ll consider every option before I make any decisions. Oh, and I’m not Bill even though you might want me to be. And an especially hearty belly laugh at your big pumpkinhead, Timmeh!
Tim Russert: Thank you, Democrats! What a great night it’s been for democracy. And by the way, vote Fascist in 2008!